Famous Quotes

Quotes by W C Fields

• A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
• All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
• Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
• Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
• I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
• I like children - fried.
• I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
• I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
• It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
• Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
• No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
• Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
• Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
• Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
• Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
• Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
• Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
• The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
• There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
• When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
• Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
• You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.