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Quotes by Rita Rudner
- I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
- I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
- I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
- I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
- I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
- In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
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