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Quotes by Rita Rudner
- Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
- Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
- Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
- Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
- My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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