Famous Quotes

Quotes by Robert Orben

• A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
• Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
• Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
• Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
• Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
• Every speaker has a mouth An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
• Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
• Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
• I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
• I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.
• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
• If you can laugh together, you can work together.
• In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.
• Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
• Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
• Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
• Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
• Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
• To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
• Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.