Famous Quotes

"When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays."

Henny Youngman on Medical

More quotes about Medical

• "I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."

  Groucho Marx on Medical

• "A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

  Groucho Marx on Medical

• "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

  Erma Bombeck on Medical

• "They certainly give very strange names to diseases."

  Plato on Medical

• "Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."

  Erma Bombeck on Medical

More quotes by Henny Youngman

• "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

• "I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."

• "My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

• "I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."

• "My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"